Monday, February 8, 2016

Valentine Special: How To Move On From A Recent Breakup

While others talk/write as an attempt to paint the town red with their romantic articles, I'll be writing something that would negate all the cheesy sweet nothings that have been all over the place recently, for a change. Yes, I am defiant like that. I've heard and read a lot of pieces of advice about moving on and they are all seemingly right except that we have to apply those theories in a way how grown-ups normally would, of course. 

1. Don't Just Cry...but GRIEVE

We are humans not robots so it is but normal to grieve. It is almost impossible to move on and get over with a painful breakup without crying your eyes (and heart) out. Grieving would be the initial reaction when you get hurt. It's a fact that we get a little better after sobbing than suppressing the feeling of being hurt. You'll get tired and numb, eventually. As Jessie J would put it, "It's okay not to be okay..."

2. Talk About It

Yes, you read it right. The more you talk about it with people you trust (close friends, mom, sister, cousin), the more you'd feel numb towards the pain. Things caused by emotional misery get better to deal with when you get used to it, right? 

Talking about the recent breakup is not similar to bombarding or pestering all  your social media accounts with all your emo sh*tties. You wouldn't want your followers/contacts end up hating you, too.

3. Keep His/Her Number In Your Phone Contacts

Why would you delete you ex's number from your contacts if you know every digit by heart? Who are you kidding, huh? It is the greatest challenge not to be tempted to call your ex when you miss him/her, I know but you need to understand that, that is a part of moving on you have to go through. Pity yourself by not giving him/her the reason to think that he/she is one hell of a jackpot especially if your ex cheated on you. Again, you'll miss them okay, but that reason is not enough to win them back. Think of the bad times instead, especially if you've been betrayed.

4. Don't be stupid

Have a pinch of pride and stand up right where you fall. If you are still not getting it, go back to number 3.

5. Don't be a causeless REBEL

Don't use the breakup as an excuse to party hard, drink all night and be wasted because you might end up regretting the consequences when things soon get out of hand and be disgusted with yourself, if you know what I mean.Take these scenarios as your reference:

Scenario #1 : Women are usually susceptible to pain then men and they become so foolishly vulnerable. They tend to confide with male friends/co-workers thinking that they would be more sympathized with. Women who are suffering from a bad breakup have the notion that a male confidant won't judge them. Beware women, some of them might be taking advantage of your vulnerability.

Scenario #2: When you insist going to a bar or a club while you're hurting, keep calm and stay at home or near your trusted friends if you don't want to end up getting hit on in an inappropriate place. 

Scenario #3: Life is not fair at all and that's a fact so be fair to yourself at least. Don't hook with someone who is bound to become a rebound because your would-be relationship will be messy. Give yourself some time to heal first. 

6. Watch more CHICK FLICKS as much as possible

CHICK FLICKS are made to inspire women and not to encourage you to play the victim. Be more of Summer (500 Days of Summer) or Sarah Marshall or Bridget Jones (?). Love stories are not supposed to be a SERENDIPITY all the time. There are certain feelings that need to literally die. To sink or swim is all up to you.

7. Be busy as a bee

Occupying yourself with so many things will make you less emotional. It is as good as retail therapy. Get a new hobby or a gym buddy, travel alone, date your mom or your BAEs or simply be productive at work. Why not blog privately or get a diary? Again, I want to stress on this...stop using your social media accounts during the process of moving on as if the whole universe cares. You are better than that.

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting the person who caused you pain. It means getting used to doing the things you used to do together, alone, this time. It means being able to smile even when you miss that person.

8. Be Mentally Healthy

If you are psychologically fit and able to pick up the pieces, you are good to go ahead and move on. Need I say more?

9. Learn the art of acceptance

You might tell me, it's easier said than done. I didn't say it's easy, but trust me, it's worth it.  
10. Seek Him for wisdom

Not your ex but God. Some might not nod with me but it always works during my healing process. Always remember that it is not always about you, but also about Him. Sometimes, He takes away people from your life to let you realize your self-worth.

Happiness is a choice and so is moving-on. You can't be forced to feel better right away but don't dwell on pain for so long. Your ex is not the reason why you still exist. Look around you. If you and your ex are meant for each other, you won't be labeling each other 'ex' in the first place. Happiness is found within yourself and not depending it on someone. Admitting that you are weak signifies strength. 

Disclaimer: This post doesn't aim to ridicule those that are hurting. It simply suggests to inspire and remind you your ability to fix yourself when you get broken.

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