Friday, October 14, 2016

Saving A Wonderful Human Being

She is my mother. Her name is Evangeline but likes to be called Jelly. I remember her as a tough woman who was able endure any pain, and would do anything for her family before she fell sick. She provided us with everything she could while my father gave way for her career and opted to be a houseband for so many years.

She was a good leader to her members and never failed to instill moral values in me while I was growing up despite having too many roles to play. I look up to her for she managed her time so well. She has a generous heart and taught me to have one, too. It was her who taught me that I have to respect people in order to earn respect back. That no profession is so low or so high. "So what if he is a cleaner, he might be the best cleaner in the world", she used to say. During yuletide seasons, I saw her packing presents for their company's housekeeping team not only for her colleagues. I remember, one of their janitors came knocking at our door one midnight because he needed to rush his sick daughter to the hospital, and she daintily extended financial help right away. She somehow saved a life.

She would stop on her way to work whenever she saw homeless people and gave them food which she's supposed to bring to work. She would read me stories about how to deal with life and be independent even if she's tired from work. With my father's help, he would compensate my mom's missed times to doll me up to school which I think was cute although unusual.

She never stopped sharing what she has and she's been blessed more. She taught me to be God - fearing and shaped my strong faith. She risked her own life when she gave birth to me even if she knew that it would harm her heart but then we survived. So many wonderful things that would just remain memories if I don't act on her current situation so fast.

I thought her faith got shaky until she saw me by her bed, crying. I reminded her how she taught me how to be faithful. Whatever anxiety she has, she must submit and surrender it to the Lord. My efforts to provide won't even come close to what she did for our family. I reminded her about God who all along been guiding and blessing us despite the odds. I asked her not to give up just yet because we still have lots of places to travel, together. Until after one week, she recovered. Same time that I was hired as Marketing Officer at a local group of companies.

In May, she suffered from mild stroke, the same cause my father succumbed to in 2010. Leaving me with great responsibility since I'm an only child. No siblings to ask help from and shoulders to cry on but I'm blessed with friends who prayed for me and helped me despite their distance. Teaching English online was my primary source of income and had to leave because no one would watch over my sick mom, whose left part of the body got paralyzed that time.

After several months, another illness surfaced. The once benign lumps found in her ovaries due to myoma have become malignant. She's been taking medication for it but it has become severe. The lumps have progressed rapidly that caused her bleeding. She never complained about her illnesses but it's quite different this time. She regularly whines about how painful her lower abdomen is. She got admitted to several government hospitals and looking at the possibility to undergo total hysterectomy but she was never cleared due to her recent stroke. They also found that she has angina pectoris, a condition of the heart, hyperthyroidism and diabetes. She needs to regain her strength which her body lost due to complications in order to undergo surgery.

Getting cleared means numerous sessions on chemotherapy which I hope she could endure.

Last month, I needed to make a tough decision between leaving the job I dearly loved and solely taking care of my mom. I opted the latter. To look for a job you love is a piece of cake but to keep a person breathing was never an easy thing. I would usually pray if it's possible to take all her illnesses and be transferred to me instead. I would usually not ask financial help from others because of pride but I guess that should be swallowed for a mother you don't want to give up on. The life she gave me is more than enough to what she deserves.

I don't mind begging from random people who have the most generous hearts to help a wonderful woman who once taught optimism and faith to live longer. I don't mind begging if that would mean bringing her sweet smile back so she'd be able to help others again. People would express sympathy by telling me how brave I am to fight for my mother's life even if it is risky for her to undergo surgery. I might lose her but who knows through your help, we'd be able to save her. To all the daughters (or sons) out there who are in the same ship as mine, please love your mother who brought you out in this world. Let's show how grateful we are by sustaining our mothers' lives even it would mean our own misery and unhappiness. God bless your most generous and kindest hearts. Let's not give up and keep on believing in God's plans and will.

To those who would like to share their blessings with us, you may send in your donations to:

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Where Did May and My Faith Take Me?

First of all, I want to apologize to my friends/readers who have been left hanging here at our online rendezvous. To those who noticed, yes, I took a brief hiatus from blogging and I failed giving you things to get excited about for over a month. I am regrettably sorry.

May has been a very trying month for me. My mom suffered from a mild stroke and being an only child that I am and unmarried, I solely took the responsibility of bringing her to the hospital the night she asked me to. It was after my class when she knocked at my door, which she rarely did. "Pakidala mo ako sa hospital, please" (please take me to the hospital) and there she was, dressed up and carrying her hospital bag. I kept calm and I silently uttered, "Please, God." I was not prepared for that scenario but I had to be strong just like I have always been. 

I have two valid reasons why I am strong. First, being strong is a part of my personality. Vulnerable outside but steel on the inside. Second, I had no choice but to be one. At the emergency, the doctor asked her if she's dizzy and she consistently replied, "no". Vertigo was the initial findings because the symptoms at that time didn't match with the usual stroke manifestation. But to my dismay, she had to get admitted for close monitoring. When the doctor asked me for my consent, I nodded without batting an eye. 

I didn't know how I managed to have a clear mind while listening to the doctor's instructions and had a flashback at the same time of my father's same situation five years ago. I didn't know how I was able to be in control while my system wanted to crash. I didn't know that it was possible to be simultaneously swallowed alive by both optimism and pessimism . I really didn't know until that moment. I was really scared but I knew I should not be. I didn't even have the right to feel scared and it seemed that all my rights have been taken away from me. With just a thousand pesos in my hand, I blindly accepted our fate to be in a place where financially unfit people should not rather be. Again, I wanted to save my mother's life so I had no choice but to get rid of worries and anxieties. Instead, I had to go with the uncertain flow. I don't usually go by the Filipino-phrase bahala na because it has been interpreted by some as a fatalist remark similar to que sera sera. but I had to let go of everything. I had to lift it all up to Him. Mind you, I usually seek solutions first before I surrender but that point has given me no choice but to cave in.

It was evident that we couldn't afford a suite for my mom so I initially opted to stay at the ward due to financial reasons but then again, I decided to transfer her to stroke unit to ensure and expedite her recovery. I didn't want to take chances and kill myself with guilt for the rest of my life. I just wanted the best for her because I didn't want to lose her to complications like how I lost my pop. 

I was tormented to see my mother in that condition. Memories from 2010 have vividly come to my senses and it was something that I was not prepared of going through. Not just yet. I admit I have a love-hate relationship with my mother but she has no idea there's nothing that I wouldn't do to sustain her existence and travel to Batanes together. Trust me, you wouldn't want to be in the situation where you had to battle with fatigue because you had to go back and forth to the pharmacy to buy her medicines. During the first two days, appetite was sent away by my system and sleepiness was as if not at all present. I had to make sure I fed her on time and nurses would then let her take tons of pills and the never-ending dextrose replacement. It was countless. There was this one time, just as I was about to doze off, nurses would ask me again to run and get expensive vials for her brain. That time, she already experienced slurred speech and her body was half-paralyzed. As much as I would want to ignore the swelling hospital bills, I just couldn't. But if you want someone to recover from a serious illness, you would. I mastered the art of playing blind in just a couple of dreadful days.

Honestly, there were several occasions during the whole experience that I broke down because I was mad at her. I was mad at her stubbornness and the inability to listen to my reminders. I would continually remind her long before this whole predicament to cut the amount of her rice intake and get rid of fatty meat cuts. She didn't take me seriously and that made me more furious. None of these would have happened in the first place if she just cared to listen (insert a deep sigh right here). 

It was after the entire unpleasant experience I realized how stronger I have become and how tiny of a deal everything seemed to me. I had so many reasons to give up but I chose to carry on. My everlasting faith played a vital role in keeping me sane and forced me to stand tall. In fact, I witnessed how He blessed me with people who didn't hesitate to help us and show us that we are loved and supported. I will always be grateful to the good Samaritans who never left us and prayed with/for us. I am only human who become susceptible to various kinds of pain but what's important is that I didn't let problems defeat me.

I haven't fully recovered from the debris of expenses amid the week-long hospitalization and this is not something new. My pain endurance is incredible that even myself was bewildered. I would no longer be here I guess if not for the divine grace and guidance. The important lesson in life I learned is that don't worship Him and worry about the problems that test your strength all at once. That is fake faith. If you believe in Him, believe in Him all the way and don't doubt Him not even once. Always ask for His guidance and hold on to what you believe in no matter how trying life gets sometimes. You are loved. I am loved. Everyone is.

P.S. I am definitely back.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Missha 4D Mascara | First Impression

I used to think that mascaras can still be worn even after six months but some beauty gurus say that a mascara becomes stiff and dry after three months. That said, it's not a good idea to buy an expensive mascara if you can't use it for a longer shelf life. I found this inexpensive 4D mascara from Missha through Althea Korea and boy was I impressed with how it worked well on me. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

10 Beauty Hacks A Girl Must Know

I'm sure that every makeup enthusiast like me has pieces of beauty hacks (or even more) handy to utilize when the need arises. These beauty hacks that we know are something that we love sharing with our girlfriends or BAEs. I think my passion for reading and exploring things helped me big time in leveling up my hacking ability when it comes to skin care and everything in the beauty sphere.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Witch's Pouch Selfie Perfect Eyebrow | First Impression

One of the three items in my first Althea box purchase ever is this - Witch's Pouch Selfie Perfect Eyebrow. Why did I choose this? First, it's affordable which got me thinking that it might be too good to be true. Second, its being double ended brow kit made me consider about its practicality. Lastly, I'm the type of a blogger who continues my quest on different eyebrow products so might as well try this out since editor's pick siya.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Service Review: Althea Korea Ph

I'm thrilled to bring you my first service review for this year. As most of us know, Althea Korea has already reached Filipino Beauty Market. It is indeed surprising to note that the Philippine cosmetic industry has been immovably booming for the past decade. Before I carry on with my full review on Althea Korea's service, let me reiterate to you that this is not sponsored and a non-beta-tester review

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Improve Your Online Shopping Experience With BPI My ePrepaid Card

I didn't hesitate to get myself a prepaid card when BPI launched its first re-loadable card a few years ago. It works almost the same as credit and debit card but it's prepaid, hence, the product's name. I chose my ePrepaid card over a credit card for three apparent reasons:
  1. I don't want to incur hidden charges and be overcharged!
  2. I can easily set my shopping limits since I used to be an impulsive shopper.
  3. I cringe at the idea of using other company's money rather than my own because it psychologically pushes me to bite off more than I can chew (which elaborates # 2).

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